I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This house was built for laser tag.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
