In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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