Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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