He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
