I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize