so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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