3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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