Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
