I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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