There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
