I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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