We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
