just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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