There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
