He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
