We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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