But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
