he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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