haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
