You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
