hotel room ftw
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
