we're blogging at a bar
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
