i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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