HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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