why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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