I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
