smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
