It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
