Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
