Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
