I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I've blown a few things in my day
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
