summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
