I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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