This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
