I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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