I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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