Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
