Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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