Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we're making bets on your personal life
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
