I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
