If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize