he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
