so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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