Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
