his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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