Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
