I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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