this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
