Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize