you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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