she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
