I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
