There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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