had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
