Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize