do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
