it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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