I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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