I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize