honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
