Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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