Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize