I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
