Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
