marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
