i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
