Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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